There isn't a word for what I'm going to be when I grow up.

I make a lot of plans and to-do lists and whathaveyous. I'm trying to do that now and realizing I don't really want to. I am reconciling, recoiling, remarkable.

We haven't talked about it but I'm pretty sure my mom took some time off to "find herself." When else could she find time to hitch-hike to Alaska? I'm hoping she remembers how good that time was for her and her mental health when I tell her this weekend that I'm dropping out of society as much as possible. I know my parents will always love me but I also want them to be proud of me. I'm sure they'd have a much harder time saying, "Oh, Susan? She's... quit school and is working full-time! Yeah, we're proud of our average girl!" I'm not any less valuable because I don't strive to be rich, famous, or ridiculously well-off, right? I hope not.

So, I have a plan? An idea? A goal? I know what I'm doing right now is not working. I know how to get out of it.

For now, working a lot more to get a place in Gainesville with John. More working and saving to move to Colorado (Colorado! Who would've thunk it?). Working and making connections in the Cannabis Business (Cannabusiness?) until I get restless enough to make new plans. Ultimately, I want to be in Washington, in a house, adopt two kids.

Scary is exciting but nice is different from good.