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"when i think of what your mind does it would look like this"

O, futur!

Sometimes it feels like the present isn't happening except as the waiting room for the future. It's a pretty comfortable waiting room; there are magazines telling you about future things and all the time in the world to think. What do I want in the future? What does future-me want in the present? What is going to happen?

I always say that my ultimate goal is to own my own Cannabis Bakery but my real ultimate goal is the live off the grid with my partner, our two adopted children, cats, cows, chickens, and a big garden. By a river, perhaps? In a tree house. Not going to work a job but just working in the garden and teaching the children about the world. Having friends pop in at unexpected times. Creating art everyday. But I'm not doing anything today to work toward that. At best, the path of my life right now continues to living in a rented house with a boy, maybe a cat, working full-time, and creating only messes. I don't know how to change the path without also drastically changing my life. I like my life. It's been better but it's still fucking awesome. And getting better!

I just got too high to keep doing this. The air outside is tinged with autumn and I have to ride my bike or weed my garden but I cannot be here anymore.

Dog problems.

I feel like in the short time I've known you, I've been just watching you change but maybe it's just the better that I get to know you, the more of you I discover? Your scent stays the same and it drives me crazy. Earthy, deep, light, colorful, boy. I'll decide that all I want is your friendship and then I smell you and forget that. You're not what I had planned. You're not what I saw the first night but there's the small glimmer of what I know now was love-at-first-sight.

I don't regret any of it.