Feigning sleep on a couch to instead deposit myself in your bed hoping...
For what?
A reenactment of nearly a year ago?
Gently moving your things and getting undressed.
I'm high on weed and anticipation.
The same catchy pop song about a bad love is on repeat between my ears.
Where are you?
The wait makes me sleep.
I wake up just before the alarm clock,
in this case you saying,
"goddamn!"
loudly and then calling me presumably to let you in.
My heart races and I fake my sleep.
I pray to every god I know that you'll come to bed and not
notice my heart beating so hard that it shakes my entire body.
You slip into your bathroom and then you're gone again.
The television turns on and I smell coffee or bagels
or perhaps a combination of the two.
I cave and you say you're going to work.
I pretend not to care, to sleep, to anything.
Three infomercials later, you come in your room.
The early dawn light barely shows me your lips as you say
goodbye and enjoy the bed.
My voice crackles a nonresponse.
At any rate, it wasn't what I wanted to say.
How does one phrase it?
"Skip work and we'll finish what we started 11 months ago."
"Call in sick and I'll blow your brains out."
"Say you had car trouble and I promise I'll make it worth your while."
Instead I thank you and mumble.
My heart calms down.
It's only on my drive home that I realize it's not over yet.
Not nearly so.
Goddamn.
