This is a post about Aaron.

You have been warned.

It's hard to decide where to start on this one because Aaron goes way back in the journal but it's always the same cycle. I love him and then I hate him and then I try to work things out and then I love him again. I found a page from way back when before England where I had written about needing to sort things about with him hidden under some post-it notes. I am always trying to sort out our issues. Sigh.

Next is related to the day after we... were together or whatever. Anyway, all he said to me was "wow" in a text and then let me stew over it for weeks not knowing if it was a good wow or a bad one.
This led to a lot of introspection on my part where I wondered what I felt and what I thought and if I cared, etc, etc. Of course, I still had no idea what he was thinking.



The next one I wrote while he was having his threesome with Gabby Bishop and Alyssa. I was really hurt. Badly. Ugh. I still am.



I decided, like I always do after being there, to never come back. The next few pages celebrate that but at the same time I wrote down his contact information because, even though I deleted him from my phone, I knew it wouldn't last and I'd be back.


And then just as quickly, I realize that I love him again and go back to being crazy about him:


On this one I tried to draw how I feel for him on the bottom-ish right. Then I just wrote it.


Then, once again, I journaled whilst he was hooking up with someone that was not me. I was pretty goddamn drunk and even I can't read what I wrote. The gist of it was that it was okay because I know he loves me more than any of those whores. Oh, my drunk wisdom.


Then I got to thinkin' about how unhealthy our relationship is for me but still know that I can't give him up.


The next one I did while I was tripping which is why I was talking to trees and shit. Oh, man.

Lastly, I journaled while his band was playing at Uptown Bar and then again a little after I accidentally overheard him fucking Alyssa. Again. The second page will probably have more added to it but right now, it's pretty accurate for how I feel.


I don't know where I'm at right now with my feelings for him. I love him but it's really hard.